Don't Mess With the Best
by myboygeorge
Summary: Hodges learns the hard way what happens when you try to mess with Renee when it comes to her Nicky...PostHappenstance, between Photo Album's Christmas 1 and Nadine's Hormonal 6th Month


Hodges was bored, and that meant trouble for anyone who crossed his path. He was on his way from one end of the building back to his lab and so far he'd managed to get three 'go to hells', four 'piss offs' and something in Spanish he was ninety-two percent certain was 'jump up your own ass and die.'

By the time he reached the water fountain just outside the break room, the devil on his shoulder had stabbed the angel in the gut with his pitchfork and was egging him on into 'breaking the newbie' as he approached Warrick and the long-legged redhead he was chatting with. She had a tray of Starbucks takeout cups in her hands and was passing one to the charming investigator.

"Seriously, Warrick, it sounds like fun, I think we should all go sometime," she was saying as Hodges stopped and stood with his hands behind him, flapping a folder against his back.

Warrick flicked his eyes over to the annoying lab tech, noticed he wasn't moving. "Hodges, you remember Renee Sanders? She's the new juvenile counsellor at PD."

"Which explains why you're speaking to her," quipped Hodges snottily. "So, you're a shrink? Perhaps you could help me with a dream I had recently. It involved a lot of test-tubes in the lab and every time I test one, it's the voice of a hot woman. What do you make of that?"

Renee arched an eyebrow at him – she'd heard of this Hodges character – and deadpanned, "You're weird and you're in desperate need of getting laid."

"That's your technical analysis, Miss Sanders?"

"It's Doctor, actually."

"What do you want?" Warrick had managed to regain his powers of speech after he'd swallowed was certainly would have been a spit-take of coffee from Greg, had he witnessed the exchange.

"I have the results from Nick's hit and run, but I don't seem to see him around here." Hodges feigned thinking hard. "Maybe if he was singing again, we'd know where he is."

As a shrink, Renee knew when she was being baited. As a woman…well, Renee was only human, and then some. "What?"

"Oh, just you know, like how he was serenading Mandy two weeks ago in the print lab," Hodges grinned. "Didn't he…tell you?"

Renee flared her nostrils; Warrick took a small step to the side. He'd seen her do that before, when she was getting ready to rip her brother a new one, and on one unfortunate occasion Nick too, when he'd locked her keys in her pretty new Toyota. But surprisingly she spoke with a perfectly even voice and just shrugged her shoulders. "Nick's a big boy; he doesn't have to tell me everything. And speak of the devil."

Nick strolled up just then, a grin on his face as he kissed Renee's cheek and took the tray of coffees from her. "Hi sweetie. Hodges, are those my results?"

"I was just about to go and see if you were in the prints lab with your karaoke buddy?" Hodges asked.

"Huh?"

"You know, Mandy."

Nick's eyes flattened like a shark that had just scented blood. This now explained the look he'd seen on Renee's face as he'd walked up; leave it to the trace tech and resident pain in the ass to stir up shit uselessly. "Hodges," he started but was cut off when Renee placed a hand his chest.

"Oh and about your dream, I think it just means you haven't found the right partner yet." Renee smiled sweetly. "You know, I have a few friends of mine who aren't looking for anything serious right now."

"Really?" Hodges perked up at the idea of a nubile young femme like Renee.

Warrick looked confused and mumbled to Nick, "What is going on here?" out of the corner of his mouth.

"Front row seats to the best show in town," he replied.

"Yeah, I know Mark and Jean-Paul are both single, and Emile just got out of a long term relationship with his boyfriend so he's probably looking for a nice rebound fling," Renee continued to the vividly embarrassed Hodges. "Oh, no, I've got it. Jeremy would be perfect for you; he's really into older men."

Hodges tried to regain his composure. "I'm not gay."

"Oh, I'm sorry, it's just…well you know."

"I know what?"

"You're a single guy in his forties from California. You just tend to assume things." Renee shrugged innocently, then looked at her watch. "Oh, I have to go meet Greg. You'll let me know about Jeremy, right?"

"Wait, wait, wait. Grissom is from California and no one ever asks him…that."

"Yes but you see, Grissom is a sex magnet, whereas you are not. Now I believe you were delivering results to Nick?"

"Yes sir…I mean ma'am…Doctor," Hodges fumbled, all but throwing the dossier at Nick as he hurriedly exited.

Renee waited until he was around the corner. "Okay, boys."

At this, Nick and Warrick burst out laughing, laughing so hard that tears were running down Warrick's cheeks. "Oh, darling, you have to come around more," he howled, swiping at his eyes.

"But, honey, did you really have to call Grissom a sex magnet?" Nick asked.

"But honey, did you really have to sing to Mandy for your results?" Renee's smile changed from sweet to feral so quickly and beautifully Nick didn't have time to register it. "Don't dish it out if you can't take it, baby."

She walked over, planted a fat kiss on his lips. "See you at home tonight."

_Touché_, was all Nick could think as he watched her walk out of the lab's front doors. "I suppose I deserved that."

"Yeah, but then you'll have make-up sex, and life will be good again?"

"Are you kidding me?" Nick smiled. "I just got to witness Hodges getting his ass kicked by my woman. Life is frickin' great."


End file.
